Saturday, October 29, 2016

It’s all perspective ;)

So you need to shoot on location. And the location is Hawaii. Yayyyyyy!!!!! And you have 250 dollars for a week. Boooooooo!!!!!!!! Well, Can it be done?  Of course!

Step one. Place to sleep. Air BNB now offers EVERYTHING! In Oahu I actually found available: a hammock, a van and a couch. I choose couch. J Seems doable. Safe. Eh???? What is safe? Could safe include living with drug dealers? Well sure! Probably. Maybe. Maybe?

Maybe it will be ok because they are FEMALE drug dealers? I am certain that increases the safety factor loads! Yeah…....ok I know. Alright.

So we are living with drug dealers.  Correction, I am living with drug dealers You are not. Hopefully J. And safety for me  is… Comme ci, comme ├ža. So how did I know? How did I know they were drug dealers? Oh! Well…my tips were a) all the dried “oregano” covering the counters in the bathroom.

Wiki: How to dry "Oregeno"
b) The large number of blind dates who came to meet the landlords across the week, and c) The interesting phone calls yelling “its good stuff. Just take it from her! Just buy it man!“ But in their defense, they were incredibly well spoken and knew all the best remote places to get good film shots.
J


Monday, January 4, 2016

How much does a light kit weigh?

I am off for multiple interviews. And this time not on rivers or boats or …or on rivers or boats. Or on rivers ………or on boats.  In other words…inside.  Hmm. Interesting this space called inside. Where light looks absolutely crap! Bummer. What to do? Read…..read …..read ……..Lights! Yayyyy!!!! Problem solved. How do they work? Youtube video……..Youtube video…….Youtube video. Great! Seems they have cords and switches and you can add gels and diffusers and place them about and so on and so forth. Make everyone pretty.  :) Cool!

Oh the wheels will make it easy...I am certain. 
Go to pick up light kit. Pause.

Pause more.

Apparently lights…and the things that hold lights. Are well. Definitely bigger than a backpack. Yep. And to be steady, they apparently need to weigh a fing ton. Sigh. One man band happy dancing? One man band ….Sucks. :(

My film professor then tells me “Jennifer…how the hell can you do interviews without a full crew?” 
I am incredulous! Who the F needs all these people? Pussies. Crews are for people who try to get their friends paid. Seriously. How do I know? BC I have fing done it…tons now. Solo. And guess what? I guarantee you would not know the difference between one man band and ten person crew. Promise. I will prove. Pussies.

Ok. Tough girl. Now….what about that light kit? How you gonna get that from here…..to there? Pause.

Pause more.

Well…… if I put the extension cords around my neck, backpack on back, tripod on back, and the kit has wheels…Strain….umpf….grunt….strain…ugh….IT…..CAN……BE…….DONE!!!!! I am horse! I am horse! I am …horse in pain.

So off I go! Roll through building, roll to parking lot. Next step. Oh. Now must get into car. Weight : 200lbs. Length 3.5 feet. Pause.

Aha! Leverage. Thank you physics! Done! 

Next…parking garage in downtown DC. In heels (of course).  And guess what? No elevator. Nope. None. Nope. Pause. Fuck! …..FUCK! Ok. Must man up. I am mother fucking one man band. Not a Pussie! Not! Ramp one…..ramp two…..ugh…….ramp……..three…. sit. Rest. Lay down. Rest more. It is cold here. And people are staring. F! Ok. Get Up!

That was the easy one. Interview number two: garage three blocks away.  Homeless man got in my way and begged from me. FROM ME????? Really? Me? Can’t you see I am a horse in pain? What horses in pain have money?

Doris understood. I love Doris. 
Interview Number three: navigate two kitchens and multiple hallways, dodge crystal and even more pricey…elite of DC. Eek.

Most frequent comment: What instrument are you playing?....... Instrument??? INSTRUMENT???  THIS IS A MF LIGHT KIT MFER! I am one man mf band! Not some……some…..stop it. Jennifer. Stop it! Musicians are fine people. Who also have really heavy things to carry and must therefore be respected.

Sigh…yeah. God bless the musicians. And the one man bands. I lay down now.